I learned a lot about appreciating both ends of the spectrum this weekend. I found myself among a sea of people who are all affected by type 1 diabetes--mainly children and their families. I saw my reflection in a beautiful twelve year old girl who was just beginning to reject her insulin and deny her disease. I know this response all too well; I lived this way on and off for several years.
I carry around so much guilt for neglecting to regulate my blood sugars and take my insulin, but as I talked to this girl and her mother, I saw a way to redeem myself through them. I felt a huge sense of joy as I spoke about my struggles and offered my advice. No child should ever put themselves through the same pain I put myself through. I hope to ease their minds and provide some hope as they meander their way through the highs and lows of growing up with diabetes.
To make things even better, I had the most powerful source of love and support standing to my right-- my boyfriend. Because of him I see my disease not as a flaw, but as source of strength, beauty, and inspiration. What a gift. He has given me so much in such a short amount of time. Most importantly, he introduced me to a beautiful world of hope and a feeling that I am not alone. He gives me a reason to wake up every morning, poke my little fingers, measure out my food, and give my damn 8 injections a day. He makes me want to keep trying even when I mess up...he won't let me mess up too badly :-)
I pray that everyone can find that someone who shakes them out of their misery and gives them something to live for. Until these special boys and girls with type 1 grow up and find in someone what I have found in Ryan, I want to provide as much support and knowledge as I can. The Juvenile Diabetes Research foundation (http://www.jdrf.org/) is making great strides toward a cure and providing a wonderful support system for diabetic children and their families. I will soon be starting my internship with JDRF and hopefully working on a program that will allow my to reach out to these beautiful children on a regular basis. I hope that they will take me into their hearts so that I may use the pain of my past to perpetuate hope and joy in the lives of all those affected by this disease.
Gimme some sugar and hand me my insulin, I'm fighting for my health. We're taking this show on the road baby...shot by shot.
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